The Lord has been reminding me that I can't do it on my own. I knew life after salvation was a sanctifying process, but sometimes I forgot exactly what sanctification meant. Just because you are saved, doesn't mean you will never sin and fall, but it does mean that your love of sin is changed into love for Him and disgust for your sin. He is working on us and will be until we meet Him in glorify (if we are saved).
I speak up on this platform and encourage believers to turn to Jesus and grow in Him, but I still sin. I don't want anyone to think that I have it all together. I am a train wreck sometimes and always in need of Him and less of me and my flesh. I think recently I forgot how easy it was to fall, and when I fell, the Devil started beating me up with the feeling of unworthiness to be His daughter and to be His mouthpiece on earth. I had the preconceived notion that He saved me and now I was "beyond sin." I didn't really think that I would be perfect because I was human, but I guess I thought that the sins called out in the Bible over and over would never apply to me again. I was beyond that. Or so I thought. I didn't even realize I had that in my head until the Lord let me stumble to show me how much I need Him.
"And He said unto me, 'My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.'" (2 Corinthians 12:9)
I was at a concert not very long ago, and the musician said a few things that struck my heart in my pool of self-loathing and unworthiness. He said that just because we are saved doesn't mean we are perfect. I can't remember his exact words, but he said something along these lines: "I've done some dumber things since I've been saved. But when you love Jesus, your head gets smaller because now you realize how unworthy you are because of your sin and weakness." Well, I guess, that is what I needed to hear. I was wallowing in "How will He ever love me?"s and "How could I even talk about serving Jesus when I let Him down again?"s. I couldn't bring myself to talk about Him through my business even though He has been blessing and carrying me through. I know I am forgiven, and I know that without Him, I will stumble again. And sometimes, He will let me stumble so that I can see how much I need Him and how much I cannot do it by my own strength. Never in my life have I felt so unworthy of His great love and so grateful that I can "come boldly unto the throne of grace that [I] may obtain mercy and find grace" (Hebrews 4:16).
So, all of this is to say two things:
(1) I am not perfect and I really hope that I do not convey that throughout this business and these platforms. I am a sinner - chief among them. I am in constant need of grace and prayers and sanctification. I need forgiveness just like everyone. I struggle with things just like the rest of the population. The messages that I put forth on my social medias and on my products are messages that convict me, that I personally need, and that the Lord put on my heart.
(2) He doesn't throw us away when we fall. When the Lord saves you, He doesn't promise that you will never fall. You and I will and can never be worthy of our salvation. It is only because He already paid the price that we can come before His presence. Sometimes I struggle with shame, and the Devil gets me down mentally in what I've done and how much I've fallen short in my life of His grace. But He died so I could be set free from my sin and my shame. He did that for you too.